little by little, day by day

'...theres a little piece of heaven right here where you are. the fact that you keep trying, it will set you apart. help me find a reason and ill help you find a way to get rid of all your pain. little by little, day by day...'
--heaven by theory of a deadman

it's been forever.
i've lost track of time, track of myself.
this year? it's been horrible.
when I thought things were bad, they just got worse.
but you know, i learn. and when i learn, i get stronger.
nothing will ever beat me.

the last time i wrote, things were hectic, but i was pretty happy. or so i thought. but i guess i was blinded. friendships go astray, people you know suddenly seem to forget you exist. but as that happened, i finally realized who mattered, who didn't, and who never did. i thought it was clear last time, but i was wrong. and maybe im wrong again, but for now, this is how i stand.

i made mistakes. i thought something was wrong and i fought it, even though it had nothing to do with me. but i kept battling. and i came close to losing things close to me. i almost lost myself. all of this without realizing it.

and its funny. when things started falling apart, things also fell together.i learned this year to mind my own life, stay away from other peoples business. keep my nose on my face. because every time i try to do what i think is right, i get broken down again. no more with that. its me, myself, and i from now on.now, im all better. lifes great. i can honestly say im extremely happy where i am. :) and though it may get worse later on, it can't rain forever. its hard to believe my junior year is coming to a close. it seems like a week ago i was giggling about something stupid in my freshman english class, and two days ago that i listened to buddy argue with bk; a week ago i had been a freshman too naive to see how life could screw us over. now im almost an adult, my eyes opened to all the failure and horror of life, but also knowing theres a little bit of happiness for a lot of sadness.

next year, ill leave high school and be on my own. quiet honestly, im scared. people say you never talk to your best friends again, and i dont want that to happen. i want the best people in my life to stay that way.i can still remember my first day of high school. i remember the nausea i felt the entire ride to school. i didnt believe the whole 'freshman are beat up everday thing. but i did believe it was a huge step, a gigantic milestone that would change my life. and it did. but slowly. ever so slowly.

regardless of whether you want it to or not, high school changes you.
whether for good or for bad is your own call, no one elses.
so, if you're one of the few that let me down, i give you the one finger salute. :)
and if you're the bunch that help me find myself again, thank you. :)

heres to junior year. im not unhappy to see you go. :D

oh, and by the way.




V---eff that. :D

seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost...

Things have been going pretty good lately.
I've been kind of depressed, but nothing major.
I'm feeling better. Getting better. Becoming a better person.
Just good things mostly. :D
But where theres good, theres bad.
My best friends broke up last week...
It's been...rather hard for the male of the pair. So I've been there trying to help him out.
I disagree with Keshia's decision, but its not really my business.
All I can do is be there for both of them, but it gets hard when heads collide.
I'm mostly on his side. But what can I do? Nothing really. Just be there for him...
I think I'm helping a little. Haha. Or at least, I'd like to think so.
But who knows? I could just be making it worse...
We've talked on the phone for like, the past week everynight. xD
So I must be doing something.
But I enjoy talking to him. It's something I look forward to, and it gives me something to do. xD
But anyways, I gotta work tomorrow. >< So I'm major tired. I'll be going to bed in a minute.
Its funny how I look at life sometimes...
I'll be sitting there, and suddenly, everything will become confusing.
Like what if I'm just living in a dream? Like none of its real?
What if none of us are real? What if everything we work for, we live around, we strive to get, is nothing but our own minds making up stuff?
Is the human mind even capable of these things?
That brings me back to the crazy thing. Maybe thats what makes us seem crazy.
Maybe people just have totally different mindsets than us...
Maybe we'll never know whats real and false...

i will not die. ill wait here for you. i feel alive when your beside me...

Been awhile, right?
Sorry, been busy. ^^;
Got a job, all that good stuff. So haven't had time to really do anything...
Yeah, I'm working now.
Food City, Cashier. Awesome job. :]
Everyone down there (for the most part) is nice. xD
Theres only like one or two I don't like. And thats because they're lazy...and I went to school with them for like ever.
So I has a right. :D
So, things have been going pretty well recently.
School is good. Only two hard classes this semester. :]
Even though I have only 4 teachers for 7 classes.
...How sad is that? XD
I've been so exhausted lately, as I've been working and going to school.
Its not that easy, but its getting easier.
You do what you gotta do, right?
Sometimes...I wonder about people.
Why do people honestly, completely believe they are better than everyone else? What kind of mindset gives them that idea?
I'll probably never understand what does, but I know that I consider them completely stupid. Because they are no better than me.
And thats the truth. :]
Have you ever wondered about illogic people?
They really need to just understand how illogical they are.
Things are totally weird with those people...

-tried to be perfect, tried to be honest, tried to be everything that you ever wanted...

"i walk the line, leave it all behind. ive been waiting forever. lets go back in time, when i could read your mind. so ive been waiting..."
--Everything You Ever Wanted -- Hawk Nelson

Summers over.
Schools in.
Pretty good year, so far. I missed my friends...like terrible. :[
But we're all together now. <33
My classes are fair. And I have new friends.
They're actually freshman. XD Ha.
Klarisa's party was awesome.
I loved seeing everyone again.
Although I wanted to shove something down Buddy's and Keshia's throat.
SO annoying. XD
Thoughts going on right now about alot of stuff.
People's opinions? They usually don't matter to me.
But...I don't know why they keep coming up.
It's like...an annoyance that won't go away.
I could care less what people think about me. I mean, I really could.
So why do I keep wondering 'what if' on all kinds of crap?
I don't think I have any enemies, as of late, anyways.
So why? Why do I think about it?
I need to get it outta my head that no ones opinions matter but my own.
Maybe one day, I'll understand that. But who knows...
I just wish my thoughts could paint a more understanding picture...

-signing sweet home alabama all summer long

"...and we were trying different things, and we were smoking funny things, making love out by the lake to our favorite song. drinking whisky out the bottle. not thinking 'bout tomorrow. singing sweet home alabama all summer long..."
-sweet home alabama by kid rock.

So, summers over in exactly two weeks.
Had a pretty awesome summer, actually.
Things have happened that I didn't think would anyway.
It's been...quiet fun, actually.
I've had a little bit of a social life this summer. Not too bad.
Wall-E has to be the absolute best movie ever. I loved it. <3
I suggest you go see it. Now. =]
Klarisa's birthday party is next week. Can't wait.
The gang'll all be back together. <3
She's having lock-in at the old Taylor's Plaza building.
I think we'll have fun.
Well, nothing else to really report.
'Cept I'm single now. ;)
Eh, I don't really mind. Not a big deal.
Keshia and Cody are still going steady. <3
They're sooooo cute, and I can't wait to go back to school and make fun of them. >3
"HEY GUYS! NO SEXING IT UP IN CLASS!" (LULZ) xD
That should be quiet fun, >3

-blahblahbleh

Been awhile since I last updated.
I'm currently sitting on the balacony at our condo in Myrtle Beach.
Man, there's just something about watching the sunrise on the ocean.
Probably one of the most beautiful things ever.
The sound of the waves are so relaxing. In fact, I don't think I've been this relaxed in a long, long time.
We're getting ready to head out to the beach. Prolly take some pictures and mess around.
Nobody wants to get up. =[
Nothing much has happened since my last update.
Nothing at all, really.
Except...well, something disappointing.
I'm NOT getting into it. lol
I just wish school would go back in...I miss my friends so much.
Oh well. Exactly a month.
It's been a really short summer break, though. Prolly one of the shortest.
Ah, those waves.
<3

--maybe i'm crazy, maybe you're crazy, maybe we're crazy, probably...

"...Whats the worst that I can say? Things are better if I stay. So long, and goodnight. So long, not goodnight. Well, if we carry on this way, things are better if I stay. So long, and goodnight. So long, not goodnight..."
--Helena -- My Chemical Romance

Oh, God...
What a summer...
Haven't posted in awhile, but you'll never BELIEVE all thats happened.
I mean, when I say 'weird' I mean weird.
All that past stuff is cleared up.
The movies was great a few weeks ago, but I didn't like that guy the way he liked me. =/
Kinda felt bad about it, but what can you do?
And Keshia and Cody started going out. <3333
It's soooooooo cute!
But they're already having drama. -sigh-
Guess its a good time to mentioned my new bf. =]
I won't say his name, but we're kinda in...'trial mode' I guess, to see if it will work out.
I'm posting no opinion yet. We'll see by Friday. ;)
But I'm hoping it will...It's kinda awkward though...
Wait, not getting into it. Not tonight.
Friday will probably help alot. =]
Tibia = Pwnage.
I love Tibia. =] Best RPG evah!
I recommend it to pass the time. XD
It's addicting. Wayyyy addicting.
Even when you get pked all the time cause you're a retard. lol
I've been thinking alot lately...People are so crazy...And I mean mentally retarded crazy...
But we make fun of people like that...people that are 'insane' or 'mentally unstable'.
People get a kick out of watching them suffer.
But...what if we're the crazy ones?
What if everyone's crazy? What if every single person in the world is crazy?
It's possible. Everyone makes mistakes, some more than others, but everyone does it.
No ones perfect.
So maybe, in some sense, we're all 'mentally unstable', crazy.
No two peoples thoughts match all the time.
So from now on, when someone says someone/something is crazy, this only thing I'll say is this;
"Define crazy."
=]