little by little, day by day

'...theres a little piece of heaven right here where you are. the fact that you keep trying, it will set you apart. help me find a reason and ill help you find a way to get rid of all your pain. little by little, day by day...'
--heaven by theory of a deadman

it's been forever.
i've lost track of time, track of myself.
this year? it's been horrible.
when I thought things were bad, they just got worse.
but you know, i learn. and when i learn, i get stronger.
nothing will ever beat me.

the last time i wrote, things were hectic, but i was pretty happy. or so i thought. but i guess i was blinded. friendships go astray, people you know suddenly seem to forget you exist. but as that happened, i finally realized who mattered, who didn't, and who never did. i thought it was clear last time, but i was wrong. and maybe im wrong again, but for now, this is how i stand.

i made mistakes. i thought something was wrong and i fought it, even though it had nothing to do with me. but i kept battling. and i came close to losing things close to me. i almost lost myself. all of this without realizing it.

and its funny. when things started falling apart, things also fell together.i learned this year to mind my own life, stay away from other peoples business. keep my nose on my face. because every time i try to do what i think is right, i get broken down again. no more with that. its me, myself, and i from now on.now, im all better. lifes great. i can honestly say im extremely happy where i am. :) and though it may get worse later on, it can't rain forever. its hard to believe my junior year is coming to a close. it seems like a week ago i was giggling about something stupid in my freshman english class, and two days ago that i listened to buddy argue with bk; a week ago i had been a freshman too naive to see how life could screw us over. now im almost an adult, my eyes opened to all the failure and horror of life, but also knowing theres a little bit of happiness for a lot of sadness.

next year, ill leave high school and be on my own. quiet honestly, im scared. people say you never talk to your best friends again, and i dont want that to happen. i want the best people in my life to stay that way.i can still remember my first day of high school. i remember the nausea i felt the entire ride to school. i didnt believe the whole 'freshman are beat up everday thing. but i did believe it was a huge step, a gigantic milestone that would change my life. and it did. but slowly. ever so slowly.

regardless of whether you want it to or not, high school changes you.
whether for good or for bad is your own call, no one elses.
so, if you're one of the few that let me down, i give you the one finger salute. :)
and if you're the bunch that help me find myself again, thank you. :)

heres to junior year. im not unhappy to see you go. :D

oh, and by the way.




V---eff that. :D